Warning: This paper contains 30% recycled bullshit. May cause flashbacks, hot flashes, repeated recriminations, and ill feelings. Alcohol intensifies this effect.

WH4 Run #768: "You Blow Us & We Owe You One"
Location: Van Dorn Metro, Alexandria
Hares: PutItOut, 2Lips, WoWo & Just Neomah

It was a fine spring day as we assembled in the parking lot. There was some confusion about the theme of this trail. FarfromScorin didn't quite get the gentle nuance of: "You blow us and we owe you one." Meanwhile, I noticed a certain sluggish demeanor among the assembled deviants and surmised that many were still recovering from the previous night's Full Moon Hash.

Then I remembered that WoWo and Puts It Out had also hared the Full Moon. The plot thickened. The FM hash was a grueling 3 hour cruise through Arlington, Georgetown, Capital Hill and greater Southeast D.C., ending up at Remington's, a Gay Cowboy Dance Hall/Karoake Bar. All I could remember from that night was that I ran way too much, drank way too much, and my ass was plenty sore in the morning. Putting 2 and 2 together, I didn't like where this was headed and suspected a conspiracy. Undoubtedly the Hares had designed this hash doubleheader to our lower our resistance to unnatural acts. Did the hares really expect us to fall for that old backwoods trick of blow us and we owe you one? Uh, wipe your chin FAG, oh and you too, Sucks It Blue, Assfinder and Blow Job. Would it be wrong to suggest that Just Neomah should make amends for this inappropriate theme by giving us with a few trail hummers next week? I think not.

Putting aside this issue, I turned to informants for dirt. Twatzzzup was revealed to have a major rug burn on her shoulder. Supposedly this occurred innocently during the MVH3 AGM, but I couldn't help but recall young Twatzie at a hash party, rolling on the floor, legs up in the air while attempting to demonstrate her gator wrestling technique. Could it be that she's been practicing her much feared man-eater hold again?

Number 2 reported that a fetching young woman who had just broken up with her boyfriend invited him to a party and promised him a hunk of burnin' love. Unfortunately she gave him a chef's hat and a barbecue fork and refused to discuss his wiener. So it goes, dude.

Holy Tit was still recovering from a black-out following the EWH3 hash. It seems HT "went down" in a Metro station in a drunken stupor and didn't come up for air until Sunday. It was fortunate that he didn't end up riding the Orange Line to New Hurlington.

Bad Bush announced that she was back from Brazil, rested and ready for action. She's lookin' mighty fine, boys. Horny Toad informed me she would be going by her new name. In view of her ample bosom I agreed, but I should have held out for trail sex.

Then we got down to business and identified just one virgin and one visitor. KY Belly cranked up the White House Anthem and the Hares explained the trail: something about dark, wet places and how a BJ wasn't really sex, and how gender was irrelevant in tunnel encounters.

Anyway, we stumbled out of the parking lot and immediately got hung up in a series of false starts. All the while the old hashers among us knew we were headed for the snake-infested woods across the street, but we played along. Sure enough JAG Queen, FarfromScorin and Teenie Weenie Peenie were poking around in the weeds and found trail. Swings Both Ways, Sloppy Ho and Tulips in the Bush plunged in, followed by TipHerWhipHer, Ivy Licker and Have Dick Will Travel. There was a good deal of thrashing about in the woods led by Golden Showers, EataPuss and SaddleUp. Then we came to our first creek and we got our shoes nice and heavy with water and mud for a street with a painfully long hill.

At one point I noticed Holy Tit stop at a playground and challenge a ten year old girl to a basketball game. He explained the rules were sort of like HORSE, but his version called BLOWME was a little more fun. Then he blew a lay-up and she lost interest. The FRBs came to halt at a construction site where they lost trail. FAG started speaking in tongues and pulled out his snake for handling, but KY Belly was busy being kneed in the balls by Sing Me a Country Song. JAG found trail back in the woods and I saw BackSnatch, Yeast Injection and Put Your Head Between My Legs follow him into the bush.

Before long there was a beer near marker, but not before a roving gang of paint-ballers attacked several runners. We guzzled beer and counted our losses. Just Neomah took one right between the tits and one to the rear. Bad Dog landed in a heap as he attempted to throw his body over Neomah in a protective humping action. Big Bird Turd offered to lay hands on for spiritual healing. No. 2 advised the holistic medical treatment of kissing her sore boobies combined with a good spanking. DuckJob looked around in vain for Just Tish to arrange for a therapeutic Menage a Duck.

Then it was back to the trail and the Turkey/Eagle split. I thought the turkey trail would put me on easy street. But no, PIO managed to string together about 4 more tunnels on this leg of the trail which smelled of fish heads, battery acid, rat carcasses and good old raw sewage. Lying Bastard and Golden Showers emerged with a particularly pungent odor. Later we took a wrong turn into a parking lot and Holy Tit commandeered a hose. He ignored the reeking harriers and hosed down Twatzzzup, Sloppy Ho and Just Laura. Although HT was handicapped by his short hose, before long, there wasn't a dry nipple to be found among the harriettes.

Then the rest of the damn trail still had to be run so we headed past ball fields, a bridge, a bike trail, railroad tracks, a couple more creeks, and shit if we didn't finally finish the trail.

PIO coaxed the hashers into the circle and the honorable $50 Bitch and Raise My Titanic presided. Mellow Foreskin Cheese presented Bullshit with a special shirt from the Inter-Africa Hash. Mellow, Because We Can, Bad Bush, Titanic, Saddle Up, and Leaky Tampon drank for being long time no seers.

Just Mark was made to cum by Just Neomah and greeted with "Wet my tunnel."

Adam Ant had cum all the way from Panama.

Da Hares were violated because they so richly deserved it for tunnels and shiggy.

Just Laura for going face first in a pond.

Duck Job for shortcutting and leading the pack astray.

Holy Tit for blowing a layup and a lay with a 10 year old.

Big Dick No Brains for some of his usual shit.

A whole raft of private partiers like JAG, Bad Bush, BoloHeadRat, Spicy Tuna Roll, Sloppy Ho and Twatzzzup were punished with beer.

Golden Showers was banished from the circle for beer throwing (never allowed at WH4), but was given a pardon when he got on his knees and kissed $50 Bitch's delectable rear.

Finger Pickin Good - 50 runs

Finally we got down to business with some namings. First to face the ugly mob was Just Neomah. She's very cute and always nice to plants, pets and Mitey. She's a biker and wields a mean tire iron fixing her flats (her car tire not her tits). And it was slanderously alleged that she doesn't mind mixing it up with dogs, girls, guys and other combinations of rough sex partners. The nominations and voting were frenzied. Some of the favorites were: GM Goodbitch, EZ RideHer, Freak Show, Trucker Fucker, 3's Not a Crowd, Eat Me Beat Me, and GM Lick Bush. But because of the earlier shooting incident and her outstanding physical attributes, she was named TitShot, courtesy of Adam Ant and seconded by many others.

Next Just Brian came loping in from the woods. He was very proud of the fact that he had avoided every tunnel and stayed dry. Since that was just a wee bit too dainty for a hasher, $50B ordered him to strip down and be named. We learned that young Brian likes women 40 years and up. RMTitanic inspected his hardware and reported that the popular myth is no lie. Either RMT gave Brian a titanic chubby or he regularly packs some pork in his Joe Boxers. We came up with: Fudge Tunnel, Just a Myth, Proven Myth, Dry Comer, Mrs. Robinson, XFL, Fine Young Cannibal, and finally Holy Tit's suggestion of Mother's Lay won, in view of Brian's taste for mature mamas and to honor Mother's Day.

Then someone said that Just Laura really needed a name. She's from Alaska, likes monkeys and enjoys getting wet. This led to Yukon Crack, Cock Monkey, You're Just as Wet As I Am, Short Ho, Eskimo Hair Pie, Beaver Dam, Kama Fuck Ya, Big Wet Spot, Zen Beaver, Eskimo Nell, Oasis, North Pole Smoker and Promised Land. After a lot of voting and arguing, DuckJob noted how eager the Republican party is to drill the north slope and how much the members of the penile party would like to drill her, hence: Yukon Drill Me.

There was no stopping now, so Virgin with Mary hauled Just PJ into the circle. I don't think I'd ever seen the boy before, but he is a strapping dude popular with the ladies, is thoughtful (he gave VwM a strap-on for Christmas), had a Big Gulp mug in hand, and he has a hairy ass. So names were shouted out: Piss Boy Johnny, Nothing in the Basement, Assume the Position, Happy Trails 2U, Chocolate Star Fish, Front Loader, Cum Guzzler, BackHo, Big Jizzler, Jizz Bucket and Strap-on. And then Mother's Lay jumped in and said Fire in the Cornhole, and it just seemed to fit his ass.

At long last, Twatzzzup and Sloppy Ho got to give up the hashit to a deserving dipshit. We all looked around for a likely subject and there were a few other suggestions, but WOWO turned in Assfinder for wearing a grass skirt in a gay bar the night before, and it just had to be.